Have you ever wondered what the children of Israel felt like when they were wondering through the wilderness? I feel like that's kind of how my life is right now. I'm wondering through the life of being a mom just trying to survive each day. (sometimes each hour with my testy and clingy 2 year old). I know I'm a child of GOD, just like Israel knew they were God's chosen people. I know where I need to be and I even know how to get there. Just like Moses knew how to lead the way. And my heart really wants to change these sins that GOD has convicted me of. But it seems so hard to get there. The harder I try the more I feel like satan pushes against me.
A few months ago GOD convicted me of sin that I didn't even realize was there. I lack self control and patience where my children are concerned. I let frustration get the best of me. I yell at the boys and fail to discipline them the way GOD says I should. What better way to destroy your relationship with your children? I cant teach them self control and patience if I don't posses those characteristics myself. I know that by constantly being in God's word and praying continually GOD can change this. But that's my other problem. I feel stuck. I go to church and hear God's word and its convicting and uplifting. And I know how I can apply that to my life. I love to worship HIM and have those moments where I feel like its just me and GOD. But then I get home and life slaps me in the face. I have time to read and study my Bible. I'm not going to use that excuse. I just don't sometimes. And I'm not sure why. Laziness? Lack of discipline maybe? I guess it comes down to not honoring and adoring HIM like I should. Life does get in the way. And it doesn't have to be bad stuff either. Motherhood can even get in the way of my relationship with GOD. That's why GOD needs to be FIRST priority and everything else will fall into place. GOD never called us to an easy life. I believe once you are saved life in general can get harded. Because satan wants to lead us astray and he will use whatever he can to do that. Being to busy with things of this world is the main distractions satan uses against most of us. I not only need to make time everyday to read, study, and pray but it needs to be a part of me and what I do every hour of every day. its not easy.But its very possible. I want to enjoy everyday and not just survive it.
Even when I feel like I'm wondering through the desert and everyday seems like a struggle I know I need to sit in the presence of GOD ALMIGHTY and HE will carry me through. I just need to let HIM do it.
